Order from Chaos: Or is it the Other Way Around?

     One of the biggest issues with any family, which contains more than one child, is order. The fragility between chaos and order is like the mercury switch on a fictitious bomb.   Have you ever had a conversation with a child and another child walks into the room completely unaware that sound is occurring already in the room and begins to start a conversation with you?  The first child nor the second child can hear each other and both continue their conversations with you without hearing each other. Both will require an answer from you without even noticing that two people are having a conversation with a third.  You are really in trouble when a third child walks into the room and starts asking for string cheese.  "Mom, can I have string cheese?"  The craziest part of the request is not that she is asking for string cheese, but that she cannot hear her brother and sister already talking to me.  This is when I go into parent mode,  I start repeating sure, sure, sure (at the first two stories being told to me) and then look at the third and say ask your brother for help.   By having the third child ask the first child for help, I deflected the attention elsewhere.  Now, that doesn't always work, because the first child may protest helping the third.  At that point, the second child may jump in or just disappear, because her story is over.  My point here is that the balance between chaos and order is delicate and can tip without notice.  At the beginning of this tale (before the children walked into the room), I was quietly cleaning the kitchen ALONE.       
     The easiest way to combat some conflicts is to establish an order to everything.  The act of putting on suntan lotion can be an argument.  "I call first, I am next..."  The opening of freezer pops can turn into World War III if order is not established.  Customs in our society are created for just this purpose.  Men holding doors for women, we drive on the right side of the street and pass on the left,  passing food from left to right, your water glass is on your right, are examples of these customs.  They are meant to prevent arguments and water stealing.   Customs can be set up in your home. Picks ones that work for your family: age order, size order, girls first, boys first, the first one with a clean plate, the first one done picking up their clothes (never use something you want them to do well like brushing teeth) and so on.  The key is to announce and establish it often and never let the children convince you that it can be changed.  Once you let the children decide, they will always believe they can change your mind.  That knowledge by a child is enough to make them whine every time.       
     My Mother's favorite mantra was "If you want an answer now, the answer is no." That one works on many levels.  One, it stops the whining.  Two, it gives you a chance to think.  Sometimes you need to way the options.  Is a snack a good idea now or later?  But as all things go, if you give in, just one time, they will remember.  The old wives' tale that elephants have great memories really should be amended to children.  Children remember better than you when and how many times you have given in on something. Let's face it, they have less to think about during the day, so their memory is clearer on stuff like that.  You will have forgotten, they remember it like a victory in the World Series.       
     Chaos and order can come in the form of your home as well.  Have you ever cleaned a room in your house and come back five minutes later to find things all over it? It isn't usually cleanliness that changes, just everything in the room has been rearranged, added, or removed.   My personal mantra to my children is if an item doesn't have a home than it goes in the trash.  My Mother always said if something sits out too long it goes in the trash.  But our parents didn't deal with the volume of crap, cheap, plastic toys that children acquire these days.  The toys come from anywhere: children's meals at fast food restaurants,  birthday party gift bags, fairs and carnivals, Dollar stores, and school grab bags and prizes.  The children get tiny, little, Made in China toys everywhere.  Not to mention, my children have hundreds of erasers.  All shapes and sizes; where do they come from?  Half the time I don't even know.  So, my theory is make a home for it and the home cannot be on my end table.  If you cannot find a home, than Nonna was right, it goes in the trash.     
     So in the end, the best way to maintain order is set some ground rules.  Children are all about rules and find security in following them.  The fourth level of Kohlberg's stages of development is law and order, the one most children are stuck on.  
By the way, can that stuff be recycled?